I hope that what is written below will encourage and support my brothers and sisters in this life. I know it might be hard to pursue at certain times, and I don’t know whether the story is true or not, but the essence and message is clear. Amin aja deh… =)

May the Force be with you, P’s and GB

=====================

Just take a minute to read!

Several years ago, a preacher from out-of-state accepted a call to a church in
Houston, Texas. Some weeks after he arrived, he had an occasion to
ride the bus from his home to the downtown area.

When he sat down, he discovered that the driver had accidentally given
him a quarter too much change. As he considered what to do, he thought
to himself,
‘You’d better give the quarter back. It would be wrong to keep it.’

Then he thought, ‘Oh, forget it, it’s only a quarter. Who would worry
about this little amount? Anyway, the bus company gets too much fare;
they will never miss it. Accept it as a ‘gift from God’ and keep
quiet.’

When his stop came, he paused momentarily at the door, and then he
handed the quarter to the driver and said, ‘Here, you gave me too much
change.’

The driver, with a smile, replied, ‘Aren’t you the new preacher in town?’

‘Yes’ the preacher replied.
‘Well,’ said the driver, ‘I have been thinking a lot lately about
going somewhere to worship. I just wanted to see what you would do if
I gave you too much change. I’ll see you at church on Sunday.’

When the preacher stepped off of the bus, he literally grabbed the
nearest light pole, held on, and said, ‘Oh God, I almost sold your Son
for a quarter.’

Our lives are the only Bible some people will ever read.
This is a really scary example of how much people watch us as
Christians, and will put us to the test!
Always be on guard and remember -
You carry the name of Christ on your shoulders -
When you call yourself “Christian” .

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

I’m glad a friend forwarded this to me as a reminder. So, I choose to
forward it to you - my friend. God bless you; I hope you are having a
wonderful day!

If you don’t pass this on to anybody, nothing bad will happen; but, if
you do, you will have ministered to someone.

The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not
PROTECT you….

Stay FAITHFUL and Be GRATEFUL!

Tattoo – Jordin Sparks

When I Come Around – Green Day

Melayang – Ungu

Hot N Cold – Katy Perry

Ada Pelangi di Matamu – Jamrud

Ku Katakan Dengan Indah – Peterpan

Ender – Finch

Call It Carma – Silverstein

(Previously published on FB, February 5th)

It has not been easy to let go. Moreover, not easy to take that decision that will have a devastating impact on how we see each other again. But I hope, that by this time, your anger and incomprehension have been substituted for understanding.

Despite the short moments, I did enjoy your presence. You are truly funny, cheerful and full of joy! O yeah, and strong as well! Hihi… And the second best solution to eat a burger, brought me something memorable. The innocence of a girl, playing with an iPhone. Cute. Why couldn’t I stop the time, stop its hand from ticking any further? Nevertheless, I felt God’s grace that day. I am thankful, thankful for having you in my life. But now, I can’t be there for you anymore. I can’t be the one anymore who supports you whenever you need me again. You know my reasons, and like stated above, I hope that someday you’ll understand every word of it. I know you can. Dear, don’t think that there will never be someone in the world again that will understand you as much as I did. Coz he’ll be there, just be patient! Don’t be discouraged by the tragedies that happened in the past and present, but look at the bright side of life. I know it’s easier said than done, but believe me, it does work! Can you imagine me laughing right at this very moment? I bet you can’t, but I really am! That is the work of the Holy Spirit, the One who has been working through me to made you laugh.

Anyway, one thing will always amazes me. Your superstition for spookie. Whether in your room, house, on that particular square called Geest, or in your left hand. I’ll always remember the moments that I could make you afraid of your own illusions. But believe me, angels are being take care off by other angels! So, jangan takut2 lagi okay!? One other thing remains. One thing that I will never understand, your “ik weet niet”. Mohon, sesuatu hari, kamu cerita alasan yang sebenarnya.

As for now, I think it is me who has to apologize. Apologize for taking distance from you. Mohon maaf dear, aku sungguh2 minta maaf. Despite everything, I hope to meet you again in a not so far future. But, only if He wants. O yeah, if your “ik weet niet” has taken place for that what I long for, then, you know where to find me… =)

Goodbye lief,

Kokoh

(Previously published on FB, January 28th)

At present, I’m sure that About adoration, part 2 was just a snapshot in time.

Powerful as it is, it was compulsive. Part 3, however, marks the sustainability of adoration.

Darn, where have I get myself into? Why did I give in to it?

It’s obvious, I’m still too fond of it.

—

Numerous words to describe adoration.

Cute; sweet; addictive; calming; provocative; and of course, adorable.

At first impression, THE most interesting qualities.

However, it lacks satisfaction on principle grounds.

—

The ‘Yes and No’s’ and promises, sadly unreliable.

“Hot and Cold” - mA. Indeed, Kati Perry’s.

Lost in translation. But, still dreaming, even in vain.

Where is my last line of defense?

—

Despite the pros and cons, and the impossibility, these thoughts are inconsolable.

But, for the sake of my own well-being: oblivion.

My experience shows that it has to ‘self-destruct’ itself.

Is this my desire? Truly muddled.

—

“This adoration, for now and forever.” Do I, really?

It seems infinite, but so undesirable.

Why is this adoration so persuasive? And so persistent?

…

Adoration has surrounded me. A feeling of happiness.

After months of suppression,

it eventually overwhelmed me with its persuasiveness to surrender.

Unfaithful to my own principles, as adoration blinds my eyes.

How can I ever refuse such cuteness in the world?

—

But this adoration has lasted long enough. It is just too much.

However, it has a strong desire to proceed.

A gleam of hope that wants to be answered.

Even when all hope is lost,

as the first World War was actually enough to prevent the second.

Nevertheless, through trial and error one progresses.

—

In the first place, change was prevented. But on second thought, it’s inevitable.

And believe me, it’s definitely no anger, but self-protection.

Despite everything, one thing will always remains.

This adoration, for now and forever.

I had to swap away a tear the other day. Not because of my own misery, but because a brother was in need. I could feel his disappointment and sadness. In some other way, this guy has always supported me with his presence. The Holy Spirit so to speak. But this misery has remind me again of the possibility, that things didn’t plan out as it was suppose to be. And suddenly, I feel confronted again with evil.

Yes, evil. Let me clarify. I have always been interested in the human behaviour. Addressed questions such as how people act, react, and interact with one another. It all stems from how our childhood – primary school and early secondary school age – was. Were we happy as a child, because we did get all the attention and love we needed? Or terribly treated and neglected the proper attention by one or both of our parents? And what are the consequences, especially for the latter? On the age of fifteen I started to show interest in these questions, because a friend of mine said the following about our mutual friend: “He talks a lot because his parents are divorced.”. I was in awe, and I tried to figure out how he came up with his statement. Fortunately, the answer came not too long afterwards, as I was an eyewitness of my friends´ behaviour myself. It opened up my eyes. Boys, and especially girls, show in their teenage years a particular identical behaviour when 1. parents are divorced, or 2. when they did not receive the proper attention/love needed in their childhood. These teenagers are talkative; need a lot of friends; use lies as the easy way out; easily manipulated and hooked up by the other sex; and extremely weak for the attention by the other sex. I have seen and met with these teenagers. In my own family(!); friends(!); colleagues; and people on the streets.

            People – parents – make stupid choices without even thinking to the consequences. Some just don’t know how to raise a child, perhaps because of their own scars, but nevertheless, it is no excuse to "ruin" a life. Eventually, they are the ones who hold that pencil, responsible for the picture drawn on you and me.

For the sake of love, I have tried to “safe” one of the victims. Unfortunately, without satisfactory results. And, therefore, I have failed in my efforts. It’s very hard to change how they think, to fill their needs, and comfort them with our love. Ergo, to make them feel more complete. I wish I could change things in the way it suppose to be. Change them into the way JC wants us to live. Fight this evil, and prevent many people, including me and my brother, from being confused and disappointed by the flaws of these victims.

NB.

This blog is written because of the mutual situation me and my brother are in. We both are experiencing the consequences that arise after the above mention “child abuse”. And it pictures the conditions most teenagers are into. I’ve no intentions of hurting ones feelings, or exposing my own childhood experience with my parents.

“(…) aku lebih baik kehilangan pacar dari pada kehilangan temen. karena cari 1 temen, lebih susah dari pada cari satu pacar.” In this context roughly translated as “I prefer to lose you as my boyfriend, rather than my exes. Because finding one friend, is more difficult than finding one boyfriend”. In fact, this is THE main reason why we definitely broke up. Imagine you were in my position, struggling for almost 2 years to make this relationship work. Did everything what could have been done, and then get stabbed in the heart with merely just words like these. Can you feel what I have felt on the moment I read it? It hurts right?! Of course ex boyfriends can be “friends”, but what if this girl is beginning to be unreliable?

            In a reply to this painful sentence, I have failed the Lord and myself. I got angry and mad. Told her that this was the most worthless relationship ever, and yelled at her to get the hell out of my life. Of course not the things a Christian would say, on the contrary. But it has almost always been her deeds that made me sin. Believe me on this, if not, just conform it with my friends and family. 

            I asked several people for their reaction on this painful sentence, because I want to make sure, whether my reaction is normal or not. Among them are friends and family.

1. “I definitely would called her names! The bitch! And it would surely break my heart!”

2. “I would have been angry and heart broken. And come on, friendships between exes CANNOT be trusted!”

3. “Those are painful words! Hearts will definitely be broken!”

4. “F*cked up man!! I definitely would have been angry too!”

So, what would your own reaction be if you were told: "I prefer to choose my friend the ex, above you my lover" ???

My loved ones often ask me “Dit, why do you want her back? She has often hurt you, told you lies, and insulted our Lord?”. I tell them that her persuasion is something that I admire, and she does sincerely love me. Therefore, it became a regular duty for me to defend and justify our ‘get back together’ plan. I don’t mind, because I find it pretty worthwhile to defend something beautiful like love.

The Christmas holiday was a great period for us. We made promises, laugh, felt in love again, and once a while even being intimate – in a certain way though J. Everything seems to went ok, until one day I checked her profile comments. I thought that the 3 conditions I gave her were implemented, but nothing seems to be the case. She broke Point 3. I was mad, angry, frustrated, and all the effort we invested to get back together felt thrown away. I was so disappointed, and my heart felt shred. Is it that difficult not to contact ones exes? The most simple condition, sacrificed for air.

     I am sure that I could make her happy, and I am pretty sure too that no man has ever loved her as much as I do. I am still mouth shut why she has chose to break point 3, and sacrificed our happiness. So, I asked her why, and she answered with a painful and stupid argument “Because they have become my friends. And there is nothing wrong to get in touch with them.” I don’t like repeating what I have said a thousands times before. She knew this answer means nothing to me, because I find it hard to believe. Friends, yeah right? (Off topic: If you don’t agree, feel free to discuss this with me.)

I’d like to present a metaphor. If you knew that God has sacrificed His only son for us, so we can receive forgiveness and eternal life, and that this promise relies only on one condition: that you must believe that Jesus is ‘The Way, the Truth, and the Life’ then it is almost stupid to reject that gift! Why break that condition and sacrifice happiness - eternal life in His kingdom - because there is a man arguing that Jesus was just merely a prophet? That is stupid right? - no offence! -  It’s not my intention to compare the Lord’s kingdom with my relation with her, after all His kingdom is far from flaws, but I hope you’ll understand the deeper meaning of it.

I am now on a definite hiatus with her. After all, how can I build a house on sand? There must be trust in a relationship right? A house must be build on solid ground. Like JC’s own words J Since this trust is lost for months, and worsened last week, I think it was the best way to end all hope. I don’t like it, but in the end it was her own choice and fault that made me decide this way.

     Love calls for sacrifices, it’s a fact you can’t get around with. And love is a complicated and powerful matter, and in the end what counts, is how you deal with it. As for me, I find it pretty stupid to sacrifies the love between two people who truly love one another. And especially for something that she knew will hurt me. To recap and complement my previous blog: in the end she has not done her best; her intention was love, but sacrificed for air; and it was indeed that empty place in her heart that I had to fill temporarily. ‘I Love You’ lost it meaning, and become merely air that I breath. But I have one consolidation though, I now may feel the Holy Spirit within me, working through my friends and UNITED. It’s clear that the Lord has His own ways of getting us back on track. Amen.

nb. Some of you may feel offended by the metaphor, so let me clearify. Its about happiness - accepting the condition - and sacrificing it for sadness - me and her breaking up. It was meant to give power to my argument. So, it is NOT meant to insult muslims! But if you do, then I truly apologize.

She is 17 summers young, gorgeous, sexy and smart. A couple of centimetres taller than me, hands baby soft, and four curbs that drools my mouth. Her body likes a goddess, smooth, and chubby like I want in a girl. Embarrassing moments often pass me by when she crossed my mind. My heart so warm by our mutual love, and I, so convinced that it would never end, never saw it coming. But, then it happened, even several times. Perhaps the most terrifying thing one could experience in a relationship; replacement.

“You were returning back home!”, “We had problems, and you did not support my activities!”. According to her arguments to justify her deeds, and the F-word seems so appropriate for her betrayal. Love and hate, weird isn’t it? So, does leaving her physically give her the justification to replace me? Or because we had internal problem, and I did not support an activity of hers’ will give her approval to do so? All bullshit! If I count all the misery she has done to me, and punish her by doing the same thing by replacing her, then I would be called; a serial cheater. But why would I even want to replace her in the first place, if I am so sure about us? Well, apparently she disagreed and needed a replacement. Or more exactly, replacements. How F**ked up is that?

     On top of this replacement fiasco, she has also insulted me and my friends by asking the question: “Are you sure God has a son?”. I believing in JC as the son of God, was shocked. How impolite, disrespectful and sick! She replacing me was one thing, but insulting the Lord? Have I ever insulted the prophet M in front of her? Of course not! How inappropriate! I don’t want to hurt her, right? And I don’t want to be on the “Black List” for sure!! Alongside with Bush, Jews, Aryaan Hirsi Ali, the Danish government, and Geert Wilders. Does JC ever said that we should revenge? No! On the contrary, He insist(!!) that we should love one another, and whatever might happened, turn them your other cheek. Shocked and disappointed as I was, ended this drowning ship, called a relationship.

Months go by, and I tried to pick up my life again, until a sms read: “I still love you very much, and I still believe in us.” I, so blind sited, believed in this girl. My adoration for her since her birth, her beautiful voice and gorgeous face, made me not even think twice to consider all the misery she has done. So, I said: “Yeah, we should get back together. But only under three conditions.” She agreed, and promised me to do her best. But from this moment of writing, I am not sure of her intentions. There is no sign of her. No sms, no emails, and for sure no phone calls either about her intentions. This unclear, vague, and shitty behaviour of hers makes me furious. She probably don’t care. I don’t know. But as time goes by that I have to wait, the more I need to listen to UNITED and need JC’s guidance to please and calm my heart. So, does she want us back? Or is it just that empty place in her heart that I have to fill? I guess time will tell…

This will be the place where I will exchange my thoughts with those who read them. Comments are of course more than welcome. This blog will contains my daily activities, not like a girly diary though, but the things that I think is important, fun or even bad. I hope this blog will contain positive things. As bad things makes me sad, It seems that it will dominates the good side though. Too bad. As people often are more interested in bad news. Therefor making it even more interesting for readers

As for now, I feel myself kinda relief and a bit exited. Perhaps in this way, I could express my feelings, and stop whining to people I care.

So, this is part 1. I talk you guys later.

With love, Didit